sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
