where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
