Best friends brother. Beat that.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He called his prostate his "boner button".
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
