so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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