dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
