I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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