ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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