I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
