I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
