So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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