This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Randomize
