She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
