oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
