I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
