so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
