Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
