you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My breath smells like gin and sadness
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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