my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i've created a new STD.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
