we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
porn star boner night. come get it.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
