Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
