I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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