I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
