are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
