my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
