Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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