Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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