Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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