Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
