that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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