hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
