I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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