im about as happy as oj after his trial
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
