im holly from the hills drunk
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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