The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
