When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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