Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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