im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka?
Forever.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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