if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
