My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
