i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
