I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
