so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
i need some magic done to my vagina
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
