Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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