I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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