i just google imaged poop.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
