Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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