Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
