remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
