Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
