Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
