I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You have to summon your inner elephant
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
