It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
