I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
