I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
