on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
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Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize