I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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