This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
