Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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