chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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