I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
