One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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