If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
