i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
