Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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