it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
