went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
be right there i have to get my cape
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
