so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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